Friday, September 30, 2011

A Run For A Better Self


Today I read an article that got me on my feet. Literally.
It is a slow time for me again. Whenever things get slow I get anxious.
Unlike some, I have trouble enjoying these quiet moments. I am inspired by sound, movement, color and activity.
Today, after almost a year, I put on my running shoes and ran. I don't know if it will help, but I am alone in my time of 'slow' and only I can bring myself out of it. Running always gives me confidence. I say to myself things like, "Good Job, you did great for not having run in a while" and "You can do it, just a few more blocks." I am my own cheerleader in my own head. Somehow it's easier to do that when I am running than when I am doing the dreaded 'job hunt'. Why?

This article reminded me that perhaps, as an artist, I tend to get caught up in just about everything and need to insert some routine in order to get to some point of success. With art, it is also easier to doubt your work, especially when you are waiting... and waiting for recognition.
Pushing through is hard...but I have learned that challenges lead to discoveries.
I keep asking myself... what challenges am I avoiding? What is blocking me from taking them on so that I may reach a satisfying state of contentment?

From the article:
"The physical state of our bodies can either serve or subvert the quest to create genius. We all know this intuitively. But with rare exceptions, because life seems to value output over the humanity of the process and the ability to sustain genius, attention to health, fitness, and exercise almost always take a back seat.That's tragic. Choosing art over health rather than art fueled by health kills you faster; it also makes the process so much more miserable and leads to poorer, slower, less innovative, and shallower creative output."

The last couple of nights I have been having bad dreams. I wake up sweaty and exhausted. How can this be when I have the comforting arms of my boyfriend near me now? On the surface I am well, but deeper down, I am scared and unsure.

I learned through Da Vinci that success comes from resilience in the face of adversity. He said,"My obstacles will be destroyed through rigor." I need something more to overcome my fragile state. I need to get strong- and it starts with my physical self. "[Physical health] affects not only your ability to think, create, and solve, but your mood and ability to lean into uncertainty, risk, judgment, and anxiety in a substantial, measurable way..."

Most importantly, I need to acknowledge my greatest weaknesses. When I am not working, I lack structure, discipline...a schedule! I will need to create one and incorporate physical and mental exercises to get me through this slow time. I may need reminders and I will definitely need cheerleaders ;)!
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