Thursday, February 11, 2010

smile


somehow it is already february. It's strange to have such a clear reference point to one year ago.
One year ago I was feeling almost exactly as I am feeling now. I have a new direction, but do I feel anymore confident about where I am going?
Some things are for sure and those things make my days much more pleasant. Like the support and security I have around me. A place to sleep, food to eat, cash to help with gas. I feel guilty sometimes that I am too spoiled. I'll never REALLY have to worry. But is that such a bad thing?
I also have support from people. Words, hugs, kisses, and interested expressions. Conversation, criticism, suggestions.
I definitely feel more at ease being a part of a community. Antioch is a great learning environment and I can tell that I am growing.
But patience. Ah, that virtue I love to hate.
Anxious for involvement, accomplishment... so the lesson is to just be HERE right now. So, instead of stressing about how I'm GOING to feel accomplished SOME day in the distant future, I can focus on what makes me feel fulfilled and accomplished NOW.
Right? Cause that's all I have right now.
I have Now.
And I can either hate Now, or love it.
And Now is pretty cool, I mean, I'm happy.
And someday I'll be MORE happy, or better yet-scratch that, a DIFFERENT kind of happy.
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