Thursday, July 16, 2009

warm summer nights

I'd like to be outside in "my" yard, with low lights, maybe some candles or stringed lights hanging in the trees, with some soft music, maybe some reggae, Kcrw late night, early morning program, enjoying the easy breeze, maybe having a drink. Perhaps there is a waterfall there, or a pool, or maybe I'm in a jacuzzi, just kicking back.
This is a simple place, big enough for me and my love, and for friends and family on occasion. The things I hang on the walls, the place that I place each item, is chosen by me, it is a place where I can express myself. There is room for me to be creative, to move, to relax, to experiment, to be organized, to be me.
Is this place somewhere? Or do I create this space wherever I am at?
Can I find myself there soon?
I am very impatient. I am not sure that I can be sure that having what I want when I want it will satisfy me.
But I feel so vividly what I desire so often.
It feels far away.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Being in a place of "lull" can be very slow-motion. You sort of drift in there, time moves very slowly. In some ways this is good, only I worry that I lack motivation, the normal fire that would encourage my brain to work towards new ideas.
The heat and the emptiness of the days can cause an unknowing change of pace. Visiting with family and friends and playing in the sunny weather seems enticing at every corner.
Days follow each other, and if you don't hold your breath, something will happen soon enough. Each day that passes is one closer to change.
Creating change seems most desirable. Being mediocre is getting dull. The sooner I can taste my goals, the more fulfilled I will be (?).
One day at a time, one action at a time, new ideas sprouting up at any moment.
That is how I shall be. That is how I will take each day.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Best Birthday.

Today was the day of the year that I got to celebrate me. And I have been celebrating the occasion for what seems like days. I started my weekend with a tea party to celebrate my friend's birthday.
On Saturday, fourth of July, my family came over and we had a great BBQ! I was so happy to have them there, I even went out and got some sparklers for us to enjoy. Grandma came by, as well as Mikey and two of his friends that were in town visiting. It was a very happy day for me to have my favorite people with me on my first day off of work again.
Kaya is flame swallower!!
Sunday was the concert! Death Cab for Cutie at the Hollywood Bowl. A great band, a magnificent venue, a glorious day, family, friends, food, and fireworks! I think everyone had a great time, and I felt honored that everyone made the effort to celebrate with me.
On monday, I treated my cousin Stephanie to dinner, as a belated birthday gift to her. We had a great time chatting and catching up.
Today was my actual birthday, but after all the festivities, I was happy to relax at home. I taught art to a small group of preschoolers this morning and then I bought a jump rope. I plugged in my mp3 player and did some exercise. I feel really great about that. Then I watched the premiere of the show I have been working on, Great American Road Trip, went to dinner with Mikey, and am now calling it a night.
As each year passes, I grow more and more appreciative of every person that I have in my life. And realize that I am where I am today because of them. I am also very happy to have Mikey in my life now, and look forward to more birthdays together.