Thursday, March 26, 2009

a friend's wedding, and little time to catch up

I'm trying to remind myself of the days where I was so bored, I wanted to cry.
Since this weekend, I haven't had much time to catch my breath, with starting more work at Mark Burnett, interviewing for a teaching job, and trying to assess where I am at with my bills and other random things.
It's all very non-stressful, I actually enjoy this level of stress, where I need to make lists and plan, but I miss having extra time for blogging.
So I will make this brief and come back to my current state soon.
My mom and I had pretty name placards
I posted up photos of the wedding on my flickr. My mom did the flowers and I helped. You can see all our preparation on my family blog.
I was very impressed by the wedding and truly happy to see my friend celebrate a special day with the man of her life.
Most of all, I truly enjoyed my time with my family this weekend. Working with them, laughing with them, and just learning more about them day after day.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

dining out and playing with flowers

I have been doing a lot of blogging on my two other blogs. We Are The Campas recounts all the adventures and events that have been happening with my crazy family. Having their support and...just having them around has been a great distraction from my current financial woes. I have been having a lot of fun.
Then, my boyfriend and I have gone out to eat a few times (also thanks to his Discover card points we have some gift cards). Check out our blog where we review our dining experiences.
Overall, I have felt more positive, engaged, and hopeful. It is nice to take a slower pace, evaluate what is going on around you and really enjoy everything.
I grow to appreciate this more and more.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

things lightening up

when it rains it pours, a phrase that describes negative events, but the same seems to hold for positive things too.
I have been keeping busy with family events and other events like painting, volunteering, and site building on my own. Then, I resolved my issue with unemployment and also managed to snag another temp job at Mark Burnett. Except this one goes for 7 weeks. Which is the perfect amount of time for me to get rolling.
I'm not there yet, but it feels nice to not be in a slump, to be on an incline, even if its towards the bottom is better than nothing.
Plus I just finished a fun video for a 3rd grade class that I volunteered to help in. We shot an improv type video and then I cut it together. It will be presented at their open house on thursday.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Walking saved my life

Perhaps not my life, but my day. Days should not be wasted, but it's hard not to want them to go by faster at this time.
I woke up late, around 2pm. But I was also up at 6am, 7am, and then again at 8am trying to get a hold of Unemployment. No luck. Frustration builds.
Then, after eating a small meal, at around 4pm I got extremely lethargic and sleepy.
Instead of napping I decided to take a walk. I didn't know where I was going, or how far, but the weather was so nice, and I just needed a new perspective.
March 10-going for a walk
I have to admit it helped some. I know our bodies need exercise, any kind of movement to stimulate our blood and give us energy, so naturally I experienced that. I am going to try to remember to do this the next time I feel like I may pull my hair out.
Looking forward to the rest of this week, which I know will be more eventful.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

trying to move forward.

Let's see.
Today, I was supposed to help out in a 3rd grade class, my effort to get involved where people are, so that my days will go by a little faster.
Next week, I will start in the class, and maybe even contribute my video knowledge to some projects.
I can't contact Unemployment by phone. Makes sense. I really hope I will still be able to receive checks. I'm worried.

I'm starting some new supplements to see if it helps with my moodiness. Tried to eat often and well.
black and white flowers
Mostly, I painted the frames for the baby shower this weekend. I'm surprised I'm not more excited for my involvement in the planning. I guess when I am around others, that excitement will come around.

Hey, if you need me to paint something, I will be happy to oblige!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Nine AM

this morning, I had a wave of clarity. I am trying desperately to hold on to it. What is holding me back? What fears do I have about moving forward? About having the most complete, loving life?
My body woke 15 minutes before my scheduled alarm; at 8:45. I called the Unemployment office, to no avail; I have to call before 8 or after 6pm apparently.
I felt calm, awake-but more present. I lay down next to Mikey and I had a thought. Use this early morning time to submit my resumes, so the submission is on the top of the pile--it was Mikey's suggestion. Then I thought of something else encouraging he had said or done to me in the last few weeks.
Was I fearful of being with him? And why? Just a few moments ago I had dreamt two couples were lying in bed, in love, but I read their thoughts. They chose to keep truths from each other: for the "betterment" of their relationship.
Am I being truthful?
I love him, but have I accepted him fully?
What type of relationship do I seek? Not only with a partner, but with my family and friends?
I have always valued communication and honesty.
Of the relationships today that I feel I've scarred, had I been completely honest and communicated truths?
Is this what is holding me back from accepting myself?
Am I holding myself back because I have these underlying fears of disappointing my family because I am open to religion?
Meaning, that I don't burden myself with the hope that all others will accept my beliefs, that I am not daily worried by the fact that some will not be 'saved'.
Here, with my partner, I feel accepted. I feel supported endlessly with no conditions. I am encouraged, challenged mentally, and receive...something different, not to discredit my loving family, but something that I needed in the areas of my life that were unfilled.
And this is new, and true, and a bit scary to accept.