Friday, January 30, 2009

Dr. Joseph Murphy

“You were born to be rich. You grow rich by the use of your God-given faculties, by tuning in with the Infinite, and as your mind becomes productive and full of good ideas, your labor will become more productive and will bring you all kinds of material riches."

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Happy to paint

Today, I was happy to paint. Sometimes, you have to just go with it.
I felt like since the sun went down and I couldn't recreate my "painting in the park" experience, then I shouldn't paint, but I'm glad I did.
art in motion-haha
I didn't do much else today, but I am starting to not think of this as a negative.
It is what it is.
And it could be worse.
getting a bit more inspired
I am training my brain to think of this time as essential to the next phase in my life. Whatever, however, or whenever that may be.
And that is all.

Monday, January 26, 2009

A golden drizzle

It is such a refreshing feeling to have...progression. Even if it is very small, especially when it is not what you expected.
I guess it puts in perspective that there are a billion things happening around you every second of your life, and so the chance that something will hit you, is not unlikely.
You just have to be ready, and open to it.
Be brave, be hopeful.
I work a temp job in a few weeks, doing something kinda undesirable, but the idea of being active and making some money, is exciting.
I am just grateful that there was something this week, because I don't know how much longer I could hold out.
Jan 26-glowing light
The rain is really finicky lately.
Strong bouts at random times.
Today it rained during sunset and the sky was so golden that it felt like honey.
If I closed my eyes, I could imagine being in King Midas's castle;distant, rich, and glowing.
Jan 26-rain during sunset

Sunday, January 25, 2009

My date with my cousin

I meant to blog about my date with my cousin the evening it occurred, but I wasn't feeling too well, and so chose to rest and sleep.
This week was a tough one, mentally and physically, so I decided to allow myself to be pitiful.
But this next week cannot be the same, as much as I would like to wallow (is that a word?>) But I am still not sure of my plans, so anyway, I don't really know what to expect.
What worked out well (to get back to my date) was that I had been encouraged by the book I am reading to appreciate classical music. I got a fine taste of Stravinsky and others at the divine Walt Disney Hall performed by the Philharmonic.
Definitely something to check out once in a while if only to feel "fancy" for a moment.
My dates with my cousin are usually pretty "fancy"--or some other great adjective.

In other news, don't you hate those moments where things feel different? and You think that this feeling could extend longer, and you dont like that idea, but realize that it exists, and you wouldn't have much control over it if it was going to be that way?
I guess maybe that sounds confusing.
I hope I can mend it, and still come away from it feeling like a give and take-
still exists...cause the longer I let it linger, the more I feel detached.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Cleaning up

I have been hesitating to come back to work (well, my former work).
Which is strange.
But there was--this sense of attachment, that I needed to brush off. A feeling of taking the layoff personally, and feeling left out because things were moving along without me there.
But, leaving without tying up the loose ends, finishing the projects that I had started, was only going to make me feel like I still had unfinished business there.

So, today I completed some work for the Fuji Minx video (which was also a sore loose end that I had been avoiding) and I am happy to say that it feels very good to have---well, a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I can continue on now, however I choose.
And hopefully, as I "clean up" here in the next week or two, I will gain more senses of freedom and feelings of energy and of...moving forward.
Here is one of the final videos I uploaded to my site,

also: computers test my patience.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day.

How did I feel today?
intrigued. curious. happy.
I got a bit frustrated when some of the programming and interviewers seemed to focus on the black community. I understand why...but he is the nation's president. And I am a little worried about this type of coverage creating a negative start...not a huge issue, but something that I noticed.
My boyfriend celebrated his 28th birthday on the day Obama was elected, and he says it feels like a "correction" for the last president that was elected on his birthday: Reagan.
my awesome boyfriend, Mikey
I just hope everyone works together and stays optimistic during this new era--
It will be trying time-and being out of work definitely gives me time to focus on that. But I am happy about the sense of community that is already being encouraged throughout the country.
Mikey's birthday, the day of the new president

Monday, January 19, 2009

A girls weekend (and mariachis!)

This weekend, I was surrounded by my mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, family friends... all the women in my life who have formed my ideas, inspired me, and encouraged me to be myself.
Friday I attended my mom's half sister's 86th birthday. I was impressed by family, extended family, the fact that we somehow manage to keep people in our lives, that it is important and grows more important over the years.
Then, on saturday, my mom and sisters came up and we also met my uncle's new fiancee from China--There was warmth among everyone, genuine politeness, welcoming embraces, patience, and courtesy. When I see the way my family treats others, it makes me proud to be a part of their lives.
Sunday, my mom, sister and I visited with my best friend Robin, her mother and fiancee to discuss wedding details. I felt so privileged to be so involved in such a personal time in my friend's be like family to someone who is not. How often do the florist(my mom)and photographer(my sister)get invited to lunch and spend an entire afternoon with the bride and her mom?
Then, we had a 'girls' night with wii, pizza, and popcorn. There were nine of us ranging from age 11 to 83. It was mostly just a bunch of lying around and laughing--towards the end of the evening my aunt brought out some old albums and shared some wonderful memories with us.
Of course I missed my dad, and my boyfriend, but I was so grateful to be with all the ladies in my life.
And to top it off, mariachis were the surprise entertainment at the birthday on friday--that's like icing on the cake.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Painting in the Park Pt. 2

Today I had purpose. A simple goal in mind with no exactness on the outcome.
It seems to me that as much as I love art (or dance, or movies, or any other hobby) I am not the type who can work on a single action for more than a couple hours at a time.
I felt very confident in the idea of creating a great, relaxing environment and working for about an hour, or just as long as I needed.
resting to read a sec

I started out not feeling "right", not as comfortable as I had the day before.
I realized it was the chewing gum I was chomping on; too much of a distraction in one place.
But still, there was no "flow", so I read and did an exercise from my book "How to think like Leonardo Da Vinci"---a book that I am finding exciting, entertaining, and enlightening.
The exercise was about reflecting on your influential experiences and how you apply what you learned from them in everyday life. It gave me comfort to think that I really have applied lessons from my successes and mistakes into the way I live my life...
I was content by the time I completed the outside shading of the eye, it needs more work, but I am looking forward to how I might perform differently on a brand new day, in a brand new hour :)
starting to like how it looks
to be continued...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Painting in the Park

In an effort to remain calm and optimistic in my current situation, I chose to relish the wonderful weather of today and embrace the uneventfulness and relaxed nature of my schedule.
I resisted the urge to plan. And attempted to move according to "what felt right".
I packed my car with my art supplies, just in case I found the perfect spot to be.
Today, I went to the park...
After having a nice phone conversation with my mom, who gave me a much needed creative boost by giving me some ideas for a party I am planning for a friend, I found a quiet spot under a tree and allowed myself to be myself for an hour.
I brought my paints, and paintbrushes, and a blank canvas
I think we all need days like this once in a while. It is easy to forget that we are not like any machine. Yes, we needing fuel, and rest, but we also need inspiration, praise, reflection.
Our days can be so categorized and --restricted.
Even vacations are often planned and coordinated.
Days like today are rare.
Hearing the quiet, feeling the sun... how often do you find yourself appreciating those things?

But today wasn't just a play day for me. I did realize some things, mainly that I have options.
So, if things dont work as I am envisioning, I can be assured that they will at least work out.
And that is very reassuring.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Clear Complexity

Life is exciting, and changing and different each day. Most times you don't know what to expect, and even if you feel like you do, it always ends up surprising you.
Visiting SF was one of those incidents. It's nice to be "along for the ride" cause then you don't have to make any decisions and can feel totally vulnerable to those surprises that occur.
The city grows on me a little each time,
I grow up a little each day
life grows clearer with each complexity.

The biggest question on my mind is where will I go now?

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Ugly Truth

It is hard to face reality.
Reality that not everyone is as kind as you.
That although your heart may stretch for miles and go way out on a limb, others cannot see past their shirt sleeve.
It is okay that I am angry. It hurts. It hits me with the fact that... well, I don't understand it fully, so I don't know what it hits me with.

On second thought, it hits me with this:
If I am good, and decent, then I deserve good and decent.
If I am hard working and passionate, then I deserve respect and appreciation.
If I cannot make others see that I am these things, then maybe they will never see.

That is reality. and it is not pretty.

New Year, New Thoughts

Really you expect the new year to bring about something different, for it to be a fresh start, but I did not expect the type of freedom I would gain this new year 2009.
Some may say that being laid off is a downer, stressful, and a horrible way to start of a new year, but it couldn't have been more appropriate for me.
I notice though my experiences, that I have trouble "quitting" things, unless given an absolutely great reason. Any frustrations I had had at work, I told myself would "make me better at dealing with people" or "prepare me for the real world".
And perhaps this will prove true.
But I wouldn't have quit it on my own, I would have continued to take on mundane responsibilities, because its about the "whole" in the end right?
Well, it's good to be a team player, but I am going to think about "me" this time.
What I want to be making, where I want to be, What tasks I want to be doing, as there are many possibilities.
So, this flips my perspective, I guess you could say. I kinda feel like I did just before college ended, adjusting my resume, looking online for opportunities...Except this time, I am well prepared with a solid resume and professional reel.
So, who is going to want me?